Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Crankiness... it's not necessarily a depression precursor

Oh I AM cranky. Not just, please best not to talk to me right now I'm cranky, but rather EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND GET THE F OUT OF MY WAY YOU JERK-OFFS cranky. Which, to say the least, is pretty damned cranky.

I thought a daily dosing of Xanax would ease the nasties, but sadly it's just not doing the trick. However, having lunch and making silly internet pictures of friends with an equally cranky friend does help... at least momentarily. Thanks Josh, I'm not sure if it was giving in to the pasta at lunch or the "make a superhero" that helped more.

Sometimes I worry that feeling this angry at almost everyone, and everything - moths make too much noise for me at the moment so clearly I'm a bit on edge - is going to lead to a huge blow up and/or a depressive episode. The blow up is more likely. I'm hoping it doesn't happen. I really don't like losing my temper, because when I do it's so very, very nasty. It's rare that I will ever speak with the person I blow up at again. Ever. It's just that bad.

Luckily it only happens very rarely.

Hopefully it won't happen before I can get my ass to Mexico and chill out!

And yet, with all this cranky, nasty anger building up inside me... I wouldn't trade it. You have to be breathing to be cranky. I'd rather be alive and cranky than dead. Cranky passes, but dead...

I'm on the seventh day of an ongoing headache so profundity is not happening tonight. Profundity? Oh brother... I should hit the hay! Turning my brain off has always been a problem - but I'm going to give it a shot. Maybe I'll get lucky and dream of pasta, superheros in their underwear and mariachi bands! Buenos noches, amigos! Pleasant dreams!

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