This is my last post of 2006. I feel it should be important, something fraught with deep and heavy meaning. Sadly I can't think of a thing that fits the bill.
The only thing I can think to say is how very happy I am to be alive.
Is that theme running out of steam for you? It's not for me.... but let's veer off for a moment any way, shall we?
Let's talk meditation for a bit.
My friend Lori gave me a meditation CD yesterday - for healing... you know, since I'm all achey and complainy. Though I have always loved the idea of meditation (the theory) I've never been very good at it (which makes my Wicca practice a little sketchy at best), but I gave it a shot.
I've tried in the past, but that whole focus or lack of focus if you will, the 'turn your mind off' portion of the meditation program, has always been difficult for me.
I took a meditation/relaxation class in college (about 3,876 and a half years ago) because I was always tense (yeah... much has NOT changed since then) and thought a little work on my ability to de-stress couldn't hurt.
It didn't hurt, and I liked it quite a bit... but mostly I ended up taking a much-needed nap every class. I'm not sure that was the actual 'goal' of the program... snoring and drooling on a gymnasium floor... but I did like being able to fall asleep easily (always a problem area for me). So that was good.
My problem with meditation has always been the ...okay, okay I got it but there's a million things I should be, have to be, could be doing other than sitting here feeling myself breathing for 20+ minutes part. It seems the height of anti-multi-tasking. I'm the type of person who likes to do at least 2 things at a time. The closest I've come to a meditative state was in Mexico, and even then I was toiling away on my journal or reading most of the time I was 'relaxing'.
But I tried it tonight. It seemed worth a shot, especially as I could stand a little 'healing' and it's the end of the year and all that...
It was good! I liked it. I had no idea what to expect, I just popped the CD in the machine and hit play and went with it. Letting go of the control of knowing what is coming is something I'm working on. Sorta. It's a trust thing. I'm learning to let go and trust. Note I said learning. I'm not actually there yet, but I'm learning.
So I did the meditation, and I think I'll give it a few more tries and see how it works out. And now I think I may have a topic. Something important, fraught with deep and heavy meaning.
With this being New Year's Eve, and tomorrow being the big 'start the resolutions without me' day, it occurs to me: it's not really about one day. It's not about, it's Monday, it's January 1st, it's a new start, it's a clean slate.
It's about this moment right now.
It's about what are you doing this minute. What are you doing that is hurting you? What are you doing that is healing you? Right NOW. There is no tomorrow. There never is. There is only this moment. This second. It's here and *poof* it's gone.
So what do we do with that?
We make the choice.
Not for tomorrow. Not for the 'new year'. But for now. For right now.
If you make the choice to be happy.
If you make the choice to treat yourself and the world kindly, healthily, lovingly right NOW, just for this instant, and you do that every second, every moment, consciously choosing to do what's good, and kind and loving to everyone -- and yourself most of all -- you don't need that elusive 'tomorrow'. It's already here! And every single moment can be golden.
I am not saying there are not trying times, tough times, sorrows (and yes, aches and pains!) I'm not being a Pollyanna here, god knows! But if you feel the bad stuff coming at you, or your own thoughts turning against you... as they can tend to do... and you stop yourself, you stop for that second and DECIDE: "uh-uh, nope. Right NOW I'm going with the happy thoughts, JUST for this moment" it's conceivable that you could stretch that moment into many, many moments and then you turn around and find you've gone days and days feeling happy. Feeling okay with things. Feeling stronger, and better, until the bad stuff starts becoming just a memory, just a spot in the distance you can look back on but that cannot hurt you any more because it's far away.
Where are we going?
Are we there yet?
We're always there.
Have a GREAT moment....and Happy New Year!