Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Two Days, Three Doctors, No Heat

If you're not in the mood for diagnoses and general babbling, stop reading. Catch me later. I need to babble and vent a little. Thanks for understanding.

The past two days have been a whirlwind of fun times. I saw the human-speaking doctor on Monday who explained my MRI results.

Yes folks it is the all hoped-for pinched nerve! WHEEE.

If someone can explain to me why dr. douchebag couldn't actually say those words to me over the phone, I would love to hear it.

I now have a prescription for many, many hours of physical therapy (from two separate doctors) and another prescription for the steroids... which I dropped off at the pharmacy on Monday.

On Tuesday I saw my fabulous internist and had a consult with a rheumatolgist (referral by dr. douchebag -- sorry 'bout the language people, but honestly it's the nicest thing I can think of to call him) because "you have rheumatoid arthritis!!" says he of the psycho communications skills. Yes, exclaimation points are necessary there, because he yelled that at me. Nice? Oh yeah. Now I know damned well that I do not have RA, and I'm very happy about that. But I've known it for years, so how's about we SHUT UP on that one and look elsewhere, eh?

So I decided to go to the rheumatolgist. She was -- folks, sit back -- NORMAL!!! She actually acted like a human being. Listened, responded to questions, asked questions that made sense... what a lovely experience. So. Guess who has nothing like RA? Well, yes that would be ME. She just sort of shook her head. I thought, yeah, well maybe if Dr. D. actually listened to my descriptions of my symptoms AND (here's a good one) LOOKED at my history and blood work, I wouldn't have gotten the referral to the rheumatolgist in the first place. Ah well. I went mainly because I wanted to hear if there was something interesting going on with my wonky knee. She actually wants an x-ray. Well hallelujah, someone actually wants a lookie-loo at Joy's funny breakfast cereal knee! (as in "snap, crackle and pop").

My primary doctor is just a trip. Love the hell out of her. She's funny, but no nonsense and pays attention and REMEMBERS what you've told her and explains and REASSURES. Thank you, Hippocrates!

After discussing the steroids with all three of these non-communication-skills-depleted doctors, I decided to try the steroids. Started 'em yesterday and it is only for 6 days so I feel a little less terrified that I'll be swinging from the chandeliers, buying out Pottery Barn's stock of hand-made Indonesian napkin rings, and listening to sad music while drawing a razor blade across my various arteries. (My doctor in particular didn't see any issues coming, but of course, I'm to call if I feel the need to shop excessively, sleep with strangers with accents - hey, I know my weaknesses, or discourse with people at the drugstore on whether Schick or Gillette is sharper... I have her on speed dial.)

Interesting point on my other ridiculous and varied symptoms, most pointedly odd aches and extreme fatigue - it may be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... it might also be my thyroid acting up again.

Now why it never occurred to me that it might be my thyroid is beyond me. So much for detective school, miss smartie-pants.

Here it sits, plodding along as it does, my thyroid is a real princess and sees no reason to stress herself, for close to 15 years... when suddenly it gets even SLOWER (very suddenly like it retired just about ... um... 4 months ago.... hmmmm).

I KNEW THIS! WHY did I not think this might be the cause of all my bizarro symptoms? Because I was busy looking for something more terrifying. How silly. And I know that they teach doctors to look for the most obvious, most simple explanations first and then move up the ladder of scary shit that can happen to the human body. Yet instead of looking at a common cold, I went for the Ebola virus. And I say I'm not a hypochondriac. I hang my head in shame.

It's because I've lived with this lackadaisical thyroid for so long I had forgotten all the 'start-up' symptoms. Which, naturally correspond to MOST of my recent issues. (not the pinched nerve, but it can definitely explain most of the others, if not all). It seems everyone else sort of by-passed this option as well. The hypothyroid as white noise as it were.

My thyroid is lazing around, filing her nails and yawning and everyone is running around trying to find out why the house is a mess (that's just a really bad metaphor.. sorry, blame the thyroid, that bitch!)

So. I still have tests out there pending, but I FEEL much relief in that I do not have the illness I thought I had, nor the one Dr. D KNEW I had, and in fact I just have a pinched nerve and a thyroid that decided to live on Mexican time. And maybe a little osteoarthritis in my knee... maybe just a pulled something or other... either way's okay by me.

I have to say that after one day's dosing of steroids my tingling arm seems a bit better. Not 100%, but the pins and needles seem a little less severe. Then again it is FREEZING cold and I may just be too cold to feel anything!

The heat in my building went out sometime around 2 a.m. It's 10 a.m. now... and 15 degrees outside. Needless to say I'm grateful I opted to buy a down comforter.... but I don't think the dog loves wearing his coat indoors.

Oh well. In the words of the Great Gilda Radner, "It's always something".

But it doesn't always mean it's something bad.

.... ooooh the pipes just started clanking. Seems like heat is coming up again. Oh Happy Day!!!

Now all I have to do is get my thyroid to give up her pedicures and get on the treadmill...

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