Tomorrow I have to appear for jury duty.
It's not the first time, certainly won't be the last, but I am not really into it. See, I hate waiting. I hate hanging around doing nothing until someone says: go home. It's a drag and a half.
I don't like to arrive early for anything - and I really hate having to be somewhere at the ass-crack of dawn just to sit around and do NOTHING.
Sure, bring a book, bring an iPod, bring a journal. *sigh* The trouble is not being bored, it's feeling trapped.
I'd say a good 90% of my work-life has been spent feeling trapped. Not much to do, just gotta be there. I could never be a nightwatchman (nightwatchwoman?). Because I would feel so trapped I'd probably encourage burglary just to shake things up... then I'd feel bad for doing a lousy job of night-watching.
It's not that I'm not an expert at the daydreaming either; because people let me tell you, I'm a champion there. I can sit and stare at a wall and be in Mexico... I could get a tan I'm so good at it.
What bothers me is that awful feeling of not being able to come and go as you please. That kills me. I may not even CHOOSE to leave home -- but if it's MY CHOICE that's dandy. I really am so bad with authority, I just cannot stand being told what to do. Unless of course I ask for advice, or in certain, shall we say... intimate situations. Well. I guess that still boils down to my own choice.
So here I am, 4 months of blissful freedom from a situation where I feel trapped, (that would be the office job for any new readers), I'm finally starting to FEEL it (yes, I'm slow), and now I have to walk right into jury duty and feel the door shut behind me until 'they' say I can leave.
In all my jury duty experiences I have never actually sat on a jury. Okay, that's not entirely accurate: I did a month of Grand Jury. But Grand Jury service is a different beast altogether because you don't have to decide on someones guilt or innocence: just whether or not the prosecutor has enough EVIDENCE to indict. That's easy-breezy.
Making a decision as to whether someone is guilty of a crime is terrifying to me. I am terrible at making decisions like that. Ask anyone who has eaten in a restaurant with me: it's bad news.
So if I have trouble deciding on the taco or the burrito, you can imagine how tough guilty or innocent might be.
Luckily I've always been dismissed after the initial two days. I have my fingers crossed that will happen again. I think I'd make an AWFUL juror.
Insult to injury: I have to be there at 8:45... in the MORNING!