Friday, March 02, 2007

A little chit-chat and howdya' do....

And now I'm back.

Not that I went any where, just busy doing stuff. And even better, hearing great news from SO many people!

Let's have a little list, shall we?

Someone I know...
1. just got a great role on Law & Order Criminal Intent (YES!)

2. signed a contract to have his show produced Off-Broadway.

3. just signed a contract to PRODUCE that show.

4. just got back from a wonderful get-away trip to Washington despite bad weather.

5. is on a trip to Mexico.

6. just got back from working the Tour de California - and got to do some announcing during the race!

7. finished a paper for one of his doctoral classes.

8. was just sworn in as an attorney in New York.

9. won $250 in Atlantic City ... at the very last moment.

10. finally got a little secret off her chest.

11. painted a closet and tweaked her bedroom decorating (yeah, okay the last two are me... but still - good news!)

This is just a small list of things that are making me VERY happy at the moment. Some may seem more exciting than others, some more mundane than others, but they all add up to happy-happy all over and this makes me .... um... let me find just the right word here... yeah, that's it: HAPPY.

I know it may seem simplistic. Well sure you're happy for your friends, naturally.

Um. No. Not so naturally actually.

The ugly truth is that I was not always happy for other people. Oh I wasn't pissing on their parades or anything but I didn't feel genuinely thrilled and excited for them. Instead I felt envy. Or sorrow. Yes, actual sorrow. Not so much that THEY were happy, but that I wasn't; I wasn't happy. I was fairly miserable in fact. Whenever someone else had good news I'd say "great!" or some such thing and then I'd go curl up in a ball somewhere and enjoy a comfy little pity party.

In fact there are several things on the list above that just a little over 2 years ago would have literally agonized me. Oh yes, lots of "WHY NOT ME?!!!" whining into my journal back then. Ouch. (not only is it painful to read, but B.O.R.I.N.G. as well!!)

How's that for being a good friend? Of course I didn't say or do anything to ruin their good news... but I wanted some for myself... and it simply never seemed to come.

But it's here now, and I'm very, very HAPPY it is!

I get seriously excited for other people's good news now. Being out of my Depression has opened up a whole new way to feel good - and that way is to feel the thrill of my friend's lucky, good, exciting events.

Of course this may also be a result of the fact that I LIKE these people more than some people from my past who (seriously) seemed to live to make other people miserable. And you know what? When I have good news, these people are happy for me too. At least I think they are.... hmmm. Oh okay, even if they aren't I'm okay with that because I'm finally able to believe they might be - and that is a damned sight better than where I used to be.

This is all new territory for me.... but I like exploring new places. I think this is a good place to stop and look around; I'm going to stick around and enjoy the scenery for a while. I feel happy here. For me, right now, that's good enough.


curious george said...

This was an amazingly honest post and quite moving. My thoughts on this are twofold. One: To thank you for hanging around so that you could come into the happiness that you so richly deserve. Two: The thrill that you are appreciating life in new ways. Your outlook is inspiring and I hope the process of your journey finds its way to someone who is in need of hope.

d. chedwick bryant said...

I'm glad you are appreciating life and want you to know that you inspire me.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

George is right that was an amazingly honest post. I kind of know where you are coming from.

When I was at a point in my life where I was stuck due to circumstance it seemed that all my friends were getting married, having babies, or starting their new fabulous career. I could be happy for them but I was also so very jealous. It made me feel ugly, horrible, and like a bad friend (even though they never knew I felt this way).

It is hard to see people rising above when you are stuck in the mud. It is even better when you climb out of the mire and can truly feel joy for them. I'm glad you are in that place now.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I like yours and will be back.