Thursday, April 12, 2007

The Drama Queen has left the building....**

Actually she's still in the hallway signing autographs, but she's promised that she is leaving.... though her promises are worth the paper this blog is printed on.


I do feel a bit better, I think the running helped, and the sweet comments to my Pink post below - thanks people, it helps.

I'm still jumping out of my skin if someone walks near me on the street or talks too loud... or breathes near me... gee, no wonder my poor dog is so neurotic - what choice does he have living with ME (and occasional visits from the Drama Queen). But I'm trying to stay calm and focus. Not easy. I'm feeling stupid overwhelmed by pretty much everything at the moment and instead of taking one thing at a time I'm letting it wash over me in a wave of I HAVE TO GET THIS DONE - BUT I CAN'T GET THIS DONE. Which is not a good way to deal, and I know that. It makes me want to go to sleep. Of course I can't sleep which makes the attempts a total waste of time.


I think I've probably assigned myself too many projects, there's a little too much to do, not enough time in a day to do it and I'm letting that make me crazy -- which leads to the "I'm a failure" thoughts, which leads to the comfy Depression zone.

Then I turn on the damned television and see endless commercials for 'maybe your depression medication isn't working' and I want to scream!

I feel overwhelmed by having to go anywhere, and am getting vaguely hysterical because I have social things planned. You know, with PEOPLE. Nice people, sure, but still... people. It's not the people I know that I'm talking about so much as being in public with people... my current mood of jump out of my skin combined with the urge to strike anyone invading my space (physically or verbally) make the being in public thing a touch on the iffy side. Just a touch.

So I'm worried about events that are planned for more than 4 days from now (and AFTER!) ... as if I had to do it tonight. See, that's overwhelmed.

But the Drama Queen of the Razorblades is in fact backing off... oh I still see an occasional flash-bulb go off from the hallway so I know she's still here with her fans: self-pity, anxiety and general sloth; but I'm pushing her and her pals out the door as politely as possible. Hopefully if I can just chill on my self-imposed ToDo list I can get her to leave quietly and not make a return appearance for a long, long time.

**Thank you so much for reading. And thanks for braving my bizarre attempt at a metaphor in this odd little post.

1 comment:

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Oh please find some time to do something nice for yourself and relax!