Sunday, April 22, 2007

Gym or comedy club?

I have been going to the gym for several years now. Not that you'd know it to look at me, but I can do an awesome 120 sit-ups in 2 minutes. Let me brag - the humiliation is forthcoming.

I'm usually a big old lazy ass (yes, that you can tell by looking), and only work with the weights when I'm with my trainer, the wonderful Rafael. There's a reason for this aside from laziness - it's utter and complete klutziness. I'm okay with it when I'm working out with Rafael because somehow it's less embarrassing when I bang into poles if I'm with him... also, I sense that people will not cruelly mock me so much when he's around as he could kick their asses. God love him.

But since I'm not working, and since I have a stupidly high co-pay for my physical therapy sessions, I can not actually afford the assistance of the sensai. He is beyond being a doll however and has spotted me for the past few weeks for free - because he's a big nut and generous to a fault. Plus I think he needs a big geek like me to discuss the latest horror movies with... but that's another story.

Yesterday he sent me a txt message full of weight training exercises that I should do, in addition to the running that I was planning on. So okay, when the trainer specifically says "do" you do. (see above for ass-kicking)

I went in and bravely did the lower body stuff (also p/t for my knee) and then ran. It was great - I actually pulled it off without a hitch and even have an achy ass to show for it today! go me!

This morning I ventured in for the upper body work and another run, feeling confidant and secure that I can do this on my own. Oh Joy, you are so silly.

See this machine? That's the lat pull down. It's something I like to do, because ... well, because I can, plus I've never had any 'issues' with this machine. That is, until today.

Oh dear lord how I wish someone had a video camera for this one! See that bar you hold onto? Well, I held onto it and did my reps and then ('cause I'm short) I stand to gently lower the weight stack back down and the bar goes up. For the second set I stood, grabbed the bar and sat back down to do the next set... except my ass SOMEHOW missed the seat and I went down, down... down... in slow motion no less, HOLDING the bar the entire time until I ended up with on my ass on the floor sitting behind the machine, legs akimbo - STILL holding that bar and LAUGHING my ass off.

When I'm with Rafael we are usually in hysterics, and people look askance: who laughs like that in the GYM? This is serious shit here, we're SWEATING! But here I am by my lonesome laughing like a lunatic because I have proven yet again that I am as uncoordinated as a newborn colt. And of course now I really know how a comedian in flop sweat feels. Not one person acknowledged my faux pas, no one even blinked: and I'm giggling like a school girl as I try to 'gracefully' get myself up. Not so easy with the funky knee... would have been easier if I thought even once to let go of the 70lbs BAR! Oh no, I was not going to let those weights crash and make a big noise. I just struggled and looked ridiculous, I'm sure, trying to get up and keep hold of the bar.

But I did get up. And I finished my sets and moved on to the free weights and my little run. But I kept giggling to myself for the next hour (especially when my Ipod went flying off on the treadmill) and I wondered, why have I worried about making a fool of myself? Why avoid the weights on my own for fear of a non-injury (except to my pride) inducing mishap? I'm sorry that everyone else was so serious and staid, that can't be much fun.

I figure, if I have to do this stuff: and god knows I need to do this stuff, I'm sure as hell going to get a laugh out of it. And I certainly did today. I'll go back tomorrow and hopefully not do too much damage to my pride, but if I do at least I'll have a chuckle. And you know... maybe I can work myself a career in slapstick?


Gary said...

You are a riot! I find myself doing these silly things when I work out also. Nothing as dramatic...lately keeping my earphones plugged into the treadmill as I watch TV and run has been an issue. Thank goodness I'm not chewing gum at the same time.

Bella said...

Too funny!! I love the way you describe falling in slow motion. I could completely picture it.

I, too, like working out with a trainer in order to avoid feeling like a total klutz. Especially the time that I was doing some sort of kicking routine and ended up falling backwards right on my ass! Even the trainer laughed at that one.

Glad you're going to the gym and working out with weights on your own. Think of all the potential blog entries that'll come of it.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

LOL Joy! You sound about as graceful as I am. I trip over my own shadow.

I just tell myself that beacause I am smart and pretty it just wouldn't be fair to the other women in the world if I was graceful too. I believe the same applies in your case.