I have been going to the gym for several years now. Not that you'd know it to look at me, but I can do an awesome 120 sit-ups in 2 minutes. Let me brag - the humiliation is forthcoming.
I'm usually a big old lazy ass (yes, that you can tell by looking), and only work with the weights when I'm with my trainer, the wonderful Rafael. There's a reason for this aside from laziness - it's utter and complete klutziness. I'm okay with it when I'm working out with Rafael because somehow it's less embarrassing when I bang into poles if I'm with him... also, I sense that people will not cruelly mock me so much when he's around as he could kick their asses. God love him.
But since I'm not working, and since I have a stupidly high co-pay for my physical therapy sessions, I can not actually afford the assistance of the sensai. He is beyond being a doll however and has spotted me for the past few weeks for free - because he's a big nut and generous to a fault. Plus I think he needs a big geek like me to discuss the latest horror movies with... but that's another story.
Yesterday he sent me a txt message full of weight training exercises that I should do, in addition to the running that I was planning on. So okay, when the trainer specifically says "do" you do. (see above for ass-kicking)
I went in and bravely did the lower body stuff (also p/t for my knee) and then ran. It was great - I actually pulled it off without a hitch and even have an achy ass to show for it today! go me!
This morning I ventured in for the upper body work and another run, feeling confidant and secure that I can do this on my own. Oh Joy, you are so silly.
See this machine? That's the lat pull down. It's something I like to do, because ... well, because I can, plus I've never had any 'issues' with this machine. That is, until today.
Oh dear lord how I wish someone had a video camera for this one! See that bar you hold onto? Well, I held onto it and did my reps and then ('cause I'm short) I stand to gently lower the weight stack back down and the bar goes up. For the second set I stood, grabbed the bar and sat back down to do the next set... except my ass SOMEHOW missed the seat and I went down, down... down... in slow motion no less, HOLDING the bar the entire time until I ended up with on my ass on the floor sitting behind the machine, legs akimbo - STILL holding that bar and LAUGHING my ass off.
When I'm with Rafael we are usually in hysterics, and people look askance: who laughs like that in the GYM? This is serious shit here, we're SWEATING! But here I am by my lonesome laughing like a lunatic because I have proven yet again that I am as uncoordinated as a newborn colt. And of course now I really know how a comedian in flop sweat feels. Not one person acknowledged my faux pas, no one even blinked: and I'm giggling like a school girl as I try to 'gracefully' get myself up. Not so easy with the funky knee... would have been easier if I thought even once to let go of the 70lbs BAR! Oh no, I was not going to let those weights crash and make a big noise. I just struggled and looked ridiculous, I'm sure, trying to get up and keep hold of the bar.
But I did get up. And I finished my sets and moved on to the free weights and my little run. But I kept giggling to myself for the next hour (especially when my Ipod went flying off on the treadmill) and I wondered, why have I worried about making a fool of myself? Why avoid the weights on my own for fear of a non-injury (except to my pride) inducing mishap? I'm sorry that everyone else was so serious and staid, that can't be much fun.
I figure, if I have to do this stuff: and god knows I need to do this stuff, I'm sure as hell going to get a laugh out of it. And I certainly did today. I'll go back tomorrow and hopefully not do too much damage to my pride, but if I do at least I'll have a chuckle. And you know... maybe I can work myself a career in slapstick?