It's a gorgeous day, it's hot but not too humid and it's clear and quiet in the city because everyone who left town is still barbecuing or whatever it is that people do on these summer-y holidays. I love it when the city is so quiet. I could have gone to the gym, but instead I took a walk. I'm torn between heading back out to walk a bit more... my feet are itchin' to roam and my fingers are itchin' to type. Hey, rock how ya doin'? Great, Hard Place, how's the wife and kids?"
It's not really a rock and a hard place, clearly, it's just one of those days when you want to do everything but ... until I find a way to type and walk at the same time... you know. Compromises will have to be made.
When I was on my stroll just now a song shuffled onto my iPod that I just love: Lisa Marie Presley's Idiot.
Hot Damn but that song makes me happy! I know, I know it's sorta mean spirited... but still! It's uplifting whenever you come upon a song, a poem, a story - anything really - that relates to your life so perfectly you wonder how it is possible you didn't come up with it yourself. And this song... well... let's say it speaks volumes to me and it puts the itty-bittiest bounce in my step and a smile on my face.
I go back and forth with the idea of spilling every awful detail of the relationship that this song brings to mind. Hmmm. Wait. Relationship is too broad a term, let's see... better word... better word OH GOT IT! FUCKING TORTURE! That's it! Ta-Da! (yes technically that's two words but cut me some slack here, 'k?)
The trouble with delving into that unholy alliance in any way would require me thinking about that vile creature, my stupidity and my severe illness. So it's really unlikely that I'll ever feel enough desire to write about it in depth to outweigh the bringing up of bad memories and, frankly, boredom. I am deliriously happy never to think or discuss this man (again, too good a term for him) and yet this song still makes me happy. I think it's just the happiness of knowing that I will never have to see or speak to him again and that I don't feel in the least sad about THAT at all that makes this song such a happy thing for me.
I have dodged two major bullets in my time, relationship-wise (either of which would, had they gone the way I wanted them to, would have resulted in me being put in a mental institution for sure) and for that I am profoundly grateful. Of course, at the time said bullets were being dodged I was desperately unhappy. Because I felt that they were each (at the time) the absolute 'love of my life'. Uh. Yeah. Clearly I am not the best judge of that sort of thing. At least I know that now. Took a while for me to discover the fact that I am simply not the 'fall in love' type. Much as I wish I were: it simply is not in the cards for me. And most days, like today, I'm okay with that. My friends love me (don't you???), and anything with fur and four legs, feathers or scales seem to find me irresistible so that doesn't suck too much. Oh sure it'd be nice not to be someone who only attracts sociopaths.... drunks.... and septuagenarians... but on the other hand at least I was never dopey enough to marry one of 'em, and that's the one great lesson learned from my parent's marriage: DON'T DO IT!
This is not to say that marriage cannot work for some people - I'm just saying that I 'got it' at 8 years of age: THIS is not the path for you!!! And I've stuck by that very wise decision. And I'm going to keep sticking by it. If by some chance I should have a third 'bullet', I'm going to remember what a smart 8 year old I was.
Now I'm going back out for another walk because this meandering post is more than enough typing for now!