Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Because I Feel Like It

I have been sooooo not blogging. You might have noticed... you hordes of readers, you! I have not been feeling well. (Poor Joy!) I'm still not feeling great, but better than I was; and all the baking for the holidays is over and done with. Whew. I seriously baked like a banshee. You can imagine the wails and shrieks. It's not pretty. Worth it. Just not pretty.

So Christmas. The Yuletide. Feliz Navidad, and so on. I bought myself two presents. One was a bra fitting and two ridiculously over-priced but oh so fantastic bras. You will not be seeing them here. Sorry kids, I know you were waiting. Yeah. Uh-huh.

The other was a new printer/scanner/copier. My old one was just dead as dead can be, don'tcha know. So I finally broke down and got a new one - two weeks ago - and called it a Christmas present. Well... this little gem required a cd-rom drive. Guess whose drive has been dead as dead can be for months? Bingo. That's correct! So I finally broke down there as well and ordered a new one. shiny new drive that does so many things with cds/dvds/cd-roms... from playing them to writing them. OO-La-La!

Problem is the the damned thing didn't fit my computer. I have one of these compact Dells which is terrific in a NYC apartment space-wise, but not so terrific if you FORGET that you need to order slim-line components for it. OY VEY. Listen, I did mention I've been ill? Not my usual self? Quitting smoking? Yeah. I've got a million of 'em.

So I ordered a slim drive. It is not quite so fancy-pants as the other, but at this point I just didn't care so long as I could copy my cds into iTunes and use my pretty printer/scanner/copier.

It arrived so quickly I was delighted. It fit like Cinderella's shoe. And it wouldn't EFFING WORK!

Seems there was a registry error in my computer. I fear my old drive may actually work and that the registry keys were the problem all along and that the purchase of not one, but TWO new drives plus one return and exchange were all for nuthin'. Nuthin' I tell ya.

Except that today. The day after Christmas. I finally figured out the solution and not only uploaded a new cd to my iTunes but I also used the scanner. It's my first. I'm very excited.

To show you how excited, I'm posting this photo.

That there is me and my BFF, Gary somewhere back when the dinosaurs roamed. I don't know for sure but I'm guessing this is somewhere in the area of the early 1990s... oh God I remember those days... meeting lots and lots of new people and sleeping with them. Oh sex... I remember YOU. *sigh*

Sorry. Memories and all.

Back to the present. I was supposed to quit smoking on December 21st. Didn't happen quite that easily. I ended up buying a pack late that afternoon and although I was a bit miffed at myself I am delighted to say that that one pack lasted me through last night! That's five days - one pack. Quite a switch from my usual pack-a-day. I smoked the last two yesterday and today, so far, not a single one. Which is pretty damned miraculous if you ask me, especially since I spent something like 8 hours working on the computer that was making me KAH-RAY-ZEE enough to want to throw it out the window.

I typically smoke like a steam pipe when I'm blogging as well (pretty much anything on the computer results in me lighting up) so right now I'm going through some mighty fierce feelings of "something's missing here..." and truthfully I'm a little scared that just the act of typing this post will be enough to send me out into the icy rain to run down to the Hello Deli and plunk down my $7.50 for a pack.

But I'm hoping it won't happen.

Oh hell. The cat is puking-gotta run. He was eating the Christmas tree earlier.

... and I'm NOT smoking?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Into the confessional!

I've been very lazy about writing here. I just haven't had any *oompf* to do it. I've been a wild-woman in the kitchen, but not so much with the writing. I did not finish the NaNoWriMo. I felt a little sad about it, but not heartbroken. I have the start of something I like a lot, and for getting me started on that NaNoWriMo was a great push, but as a friend of mine pointed out to me, I am a bit contrary. I really am. You tell me I have to do something . . . well. Yeah. That'll happen. Not.

I suppose sometimes even when it's something I CHOOSE to do, I still bristle a bit.

There's something I have chosen to do that may come as a surprise to those who read this who don't know me in real life, and even some of you who do know me in real life.

I'm quitting smoking.

Yes, yes, I smoke. There. I said it. I have smoked since. . . oh dear, do I want to date myself this way? Oh what the hell. Since 1983. Yeah. Long time. Of course I've quit a few times since then. In 1995 I quit for a full 9 months! Every time I told people that they asked if I had been pregnant. If you know me even a little bit, you know THAT is not the case. It just happened that I managed to do it for nine months.

I also quit for just over 2 years not so long ago (2002-2004 I think it was). But a certain amount of depression, suicidal thoughts, general misery and anxiety put an end to that with my 'just having one' that turned into a pack a day ever since. Not only is that a health hazard, but it costs a FORTUNE. I think that heroin must be cheaper than this and apparently it's less addictive. Still, I'm not so much in the market for switching my addictions - just quitting the one would be a nice start.

So I want to quit. Have wanted to quit since October 2004 actually. Since I decided not to kill myself. I have gone through weeks and weeks of TODAY I'm quitting! Each of those 'todays' lasted until sometime in the evening when I would run to the store and buy myself a pack of coffin nails.

So I mentioned this to my fabulous doctor when I had my physical in October. She said she knew of something she thought would work for me but she wanted me to try the Lunestra and be fully rested and not fighting with my insomnia when I tried to quit. Since I'm sleeping no less than 6 hours a night now (usually more) - without the sleeping pills! YES!! It seems that now is the time to attempt the great 'quit'. My doctor has not steered me wrong once, so I'm putting my faith into this stuff and hoping that it will work. I take the pills for a week and get to keep smoking until the 8th day; then I take a different dosage for the next 3 months (I think) and hopefully will not smoke. December 21st is my 8th day. I think it's a good choice - it's the solstice and all. Happy Yule to all my fellow pagans out there! Represent!

Okay, technically the 22nd is the solstice but I'm terrible with math and counted the days back wrong. Typical. Anyway, I'm supposed to stop on the 21st and if all goes well I won't pick it up again.

I have not mentioned my smoking here until now because, frankly, I ain't proud of it. And I also felt that because this blog is about appreciating life and overcoming the things that hold me back, that admitting to having a really DUMB habit that could potentially cost me this very precious life would read as counterintuitive. Which it is, of course. But that's addiction for you.

I'm very, VERY lucky that it hasn't caused me any health problems - so far. I hope that quitting will make sure nothing crops up in the future. Plus I'll save an awful lot of money.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Play Time

I've been a little under the weather the past couple of weeks and have really been coming up blank on anything to write here. Happily I live with two insane critters and about an hour ago they gave me a little sumpin' to post. Thanks boys!

For anyone who might be concerned about Nick's safety having his head in the mouth of a pitbull mix, please know that this is how these boys have played for more than a decade. It's all good. Well... except that Nick ends up with a wet head a lot of the time. Eck.