Sunday, January 27, 2008

the more things change...

Since I got this scanner I have been having a ball uploading old photos. One that I found just cracked me up. This was my first stint (of far too many) in a wedding party. I was, obviously, the flower girl. This was actually the BEST bridesmaid dress of any that I had. Rich red velvet with a pink satin bow and pink satin ballet flats. Loved it. What I didn't love was the wedding. Even this young, I think I'm 6/7 years old here, I knew marriage was just a bad idea all around. I think my expression says it all.
What really amuses me is that expression is still with me.
Still. I got to wear an awesome red velvet gown. I need to get another one of those. Though I'll pass on the headband of flowers - that look was barely working on a 6 year old.

Friday, January 25, 2008

The Great Search

When I first started this blog I was greatly enamored of following the stats. The where and why. Where readers came from, geographically as well as from what sites and the why, what search terms would pull up my little blog.

As time went on I stopped obsessing on the wheres and whys and my hit counts, but every now and again I like to peek in and see what brings people in. For your entertainment you will find below a list of the most recent terms that brought people here via google. Some are amusing, some are practical and some are quite frightening (as in the crush fetish folk who I have had coming in since the beginning - and if you do not know what that particular fetish is: I suggest you relish your ignorance and don't look into it. I'm extremely open minded, but I find this horrific. The fact that my blog's title brings these people in disturbs me immensely.)

And so, aside from the creep factor, here's my list of current search terms copied directly from my record keeping account.

Hey, it was this or more photos of my haircut! Or more depressing: Dennis Kucinich dropping out of the presidential race. We're doomed.... Okay, on with the amusements!

killer animal high heels crush
you're not the boss of me
who has a crush on me for kids
guerlain mitsuko 9
coping sorrow
what does damn straight mean
robert whaley myspace
the niagaras
i smoke too
the niagaras and whaley
coping with a friend moving away
i love high heel crush
high heel crushing
playa del carmen brazilian wax
fetish crush cockroach
dreaming of dead people coming to life
crush cat fetish
pictures of dogs eating cupcakes
crushing gold fish with high heels
robert whaley niagaras
mayan sacrifice playa del carmen tattoo
crushing hard things to put on aim profiles
brazilian wax
crush feet
dream my crush on that already dead
photos of italian zeppoles
can dogs eat potato chips?
who has a crush on me
cheese wax bags
brazilian waxing pictures
how much do i tip for brazilian wax?
how much tip wax brazilian
cockroach crushed with boots
weird crush meme
crush platform shoe
can dogs eat potato chips
naked boys unaware
woman in high heels that crush things
a poem for someone you've got a crush on
brazilian wax opinion
i curse your sudden but inv
treny shoes for less
got a crush, what to do?
fear makes me sleepy
high heel human crush
gary sandy addiction
hows got a crush on me
who do you got a crush on
cockroach heel shoes
will me and my crush get together
you re not the boss of me now
synthroid, pink
she was alone at the cottage
lunesta hotel playa del carmen
adoptme nyc
scary fortunes
platform shoe crush
how much do you tip for brazilian wax
bra fitting party iowa
dinosaur bbq harlem dangerous
how to make zeppoles
high heel boot crush
sleep picture oh, come to m
it's the little thing's
kookie you tube
before and after pictures of brazilian wax
drunk girls pics blogspot
brazilian wax tip how much
my dog hates the rain
who has a crush on me?
fried zeppoles
cenote tulum
do having lucky bamboo stalks really cause death
live video in playa del carmen mexico
you're not the boss of me at work
pigeon air shaft'
zeppoles prices at fairs
brazilian hot wax how
'brazilian waxed'
feng shui lucky bamboo plant direction corner home kept
read the bible christian masturbate roommate
gary mango
ambien crush
how much to tip a brazilian wax?
conch shells found in playa del carmen
robert whaley band
my teacher crushed on me
what color to dye your hair
brazilian waxing - procedure tipping what happens
thanksgiving in nyc 2008
charlie chaplin perfume
mitsuko perfume charlie chaplin's favorite
tattoo san gennaro
ive got a little crush for me
dont follow the pack vote your consience
cartoon zzzzz
salon leg waxing vegan
wax on wax off xxx
dancing dog, nh
aw hell no what's u
dog hates rain
how to photos brazilian wax
john edwards dye hair
joe's apartment playa del carmen
fourth grade wears shoe size
playa del carma,mexico blogs
bella's live journal
kids lazy tavern
carmen's got a crush on you
but me ive gotta
charlie chaplin on mitsouko
newspaper ink and headaches
vote against jury duty
men's stripper trousers
step by step pictures brazilian wax
vegan movie popcorn
ambien with klonepin
crush gym trainer
how can you tell if someone has got a crush
embarrassing drunk girl
how to heal don't deserve to be happy
dogs eat fortune cookies
secret to movie popcorn
who has a crush on me for kids
steps for hoarders
free comic goat pictures
captain lafitte playa del carmen
joy keaton
depression losing trust in yourself
fortune cookie phases for kids
waiting for a girl we get drunk on friday nights
smoking got to me
deal me in mama needs a new pair of choos
ccsi cleaning
high heel shoe crushing
tulum cenote
zeppoles online
crush cockroach killer
photos of brazlian waxing
what's good to eat on friday night
having a crush on a climbing guide
derek jacobi crush
bay area bra fitting
are potato chips good for dogs
playa del carmen and body paint
flip flops crush
caffeine in celery
why won't my crush talk to me on myspace
makes of car mitsouko
2008 the niagaras
brazilian wax pro
dreams of dead people
crush on teacher stories

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Yeah Right

I seem to recall recently saying I'd be blogging more regularly. Um. Okay.

I really have to watch what I commit myself to, don't I?

Truly, you'd LOVE the posts I've written in my head. They've been fabulous. Sadly they never seem to make it past my pillow.

What has been taking up my time? Good question. I believe what they call it, and I could be wrong, but I think it's called Ye Olde MIDLIFE CRISES. This is not to say that I think I'm at the absolute half-way mark on my life, because being a scant 29 years old that would just be sad. Midlife crises just seems the best label I can put on it, so I'm going with it for now. If you actually buy that I'm 29, first: I love you forever, second: I would like to show you a lovely bridge I have for sale that connects Manhattan to Brooklyn - I'll give you a great price!

I'm spending ridiculous amounts of time at the gym, quitting (mostly successfully) smoking, doing wacky things to my face that I never thought I would (more on that later), and cutting my hair. Not that cutting my hair is such an aberration for me, but I figure, why not throw it on the pile of changed behavior and see how high we can take said pile.

Here's the new hair. I did this two weeks ago and it's already gotten long enough that I want a trim.


Monday I re-upped with my fabulous trainer, Rafael. He was having a sale of sorts and I could not resist. Plus I need the kick-start of a former marine to really push me to spend even MORE time at the gym. And I have missed our chats. So I saw him Tuesday and my arms still hurt. Now THAT's what I'm talkin' about!

Last night Miss X's Mom and I did a volunteer gig through New York Cares playing Bingo at a nursing home. Hello hilarious! The co-ordinator sat me down at a table with four women and one of them said "WE don't need her!" The coordinator left me with these hostile scary old ladies and I had no recourse but to try to charm them. Seemed to work. The one who was snarling "we don't need her" turned out to be the funniest chick in a walker. She is a 'baaaaad girl' and clearly exactly how I'm going to turn out when I reach her age. She's a wise-ass and outspoken and a flirt and FUNNY. I will not repeat what she said when O69 was called. You can figure it out. Sadly she did not win a single game of Bingo last night. She was *that* close on more than one game, but that stinking G51 just wouldn't come up. Grrrr.

Other fun I've been involved in includes scanning old photographs into my computer so I can post them as well as chuck the old crackling Polaroids. I'm on a CHUCK EVERYTHING tear once again. Every time I can't get at what I want in a closet or cabinet I realize that I still have far too much STUFF. I'm really stuffed with stuff. I want it gone. But it is always a slow process.

I've been thinking about deep issues and things I want to write and what does this post turn into? Blather. Ah well. Blame it on my mid-life crises!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

pretty flowers

Miss X's Mom gave me these gorgeous peachy-colored roses yesterday for my *shudder* birthday. Aren't they purty? I just want to thank all the lovely people who phoned or emailed or mailed - I apologize for my birthday whining. Thanks for putting up with it.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Out with the old... in with the... well, okay, old

Breathe in. REAAAAALLLY deeply. Now exhale with a sense of adolescent ennui.

That means give me a great big sigh.


Today's my birthday.

I hate my birthday.

I had written an INCREDIBLY sad and self-indulgent pity party of a post (oooh alliteration!) and then decided not to post it. Oh I still feel it, but I'm not posting it. It's waaay too annoying and irritates even me: and it's about me. I can't even imagine how annoying it would be to anyone else! Ouch!

I find that regardless of how happy I might be in general, on my birthday as well as the days preceding it, I tend to be cranky. Though cranky is a subtle way of putting it. Stone cold bitchy and sad is a little closer to the truth.

It's on my birthday that I tend to feel neglected and angry. I know that it's a hold-over from my childhood and as an adult (oh good lord, a really OLD adult now) I ought to be able to let go of those feelings of 'nobody loves me'. But I guess being aware of the genesis of these feelings is not nearly enough to get over them. Let's hear that enormous collective sigh once again, shall we? Oh c'mon, you can do better than that! Basil can sigh bigger than that!! Work with me folks!

Much better. Thank you.

I'm going to try to keep the self-pity at bay for the rest of the evening, tomorrow will be better.
It always is.

I really hate my birthday.

Friday, January 11, 2008


That's what you should call anyone who quits smoking cold turkey and lives to tell the tale. Woo-wee. I'm tellin' ya. TOUGH.

It's funny how it didn't seem this hard when I quit the last time - I just stopped for a good two years and it was not so bad... at least not that I recall. I may be blocking. I may well have been running around smacking small children and clobbering people just for breathing near me. La-la-la... I don't recall.

This time has been more of a slow process. More of a gradual decrease in the amount of cigarettes I go through than a full stop. I actually got a nice 8 days totally smoke free and then it hit. The I COULD KILL SOMEONE mood. Ouch. It is likely due to the fact that I'm weaning off the medication that tricks my brain into thinking I've smoked. OR I could just be going through a little hint of PMS. Or SOMEONE IS PISSING ME OFF. Hard to tell. Hmmm.

What it boils down to is yesterday I decided I would buy another pack of cigarettes. *sigh* I went for a walk first and that helped a bit, but not enough and I ended up buying one. I waited two hours after I got home to actually smoke one and EIWWWWW - I got through (literally) one quarter of the thing and put it out and could taste and smell it all over the place and it was completely disgusting. Not the least disgusting to me was the fact that I had been doing it for two decades at least 20 times a day and LOVING it! WHAT???? Bleech.

So I have the pack (minus one) and I'm going to keep it. Because disgusted as I was yesterday, I know that urge will hit me again and I'm ready to subject myself to the grossness of it. I am NOT wrapping them and putting them in the freezer to keep 'em fresh either. Nope. I'm letting those puppies sit out and get stale and even MORE delightful. Masochist much? Clearly.

Here's to all the cold turkey quitters out there: BRAVO!! ME? I'm still plugging away and hoping for the best.

And since I managed this whole post without a smoke, I may actually be back to blogging more regularly. I know. You're thrilled. But please, keep the noise down. Noise makes me so cranky.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Yeah! What he said!

Don't let the media control your vote. ABC CNN, major media, are all but ignoring this candidate *Dennis Kucinich* BECAUSE he does not espouse the same crap all the other candidates spew. He's also the one who doesn't owe his soul to the corporations (i.e. health insurance companies).

I have never made a monetary contribution to a political candidate before - I have this year. We are in serious, godawful trouble in this country and it is heartbreaking. These 'candidates for change' are all full of, you should excuse my language, SHIT. Check their voting records. Elect any one of these and we'll have the same nonsense we have right now. The only candidate who actually HAS a plan for REAL CHANGE is Dennis Kucinich.

Sorry. I'm getting a little riled just thinking about it all.

Also I haven't had a cigarette in 5 days so I'm a wee bit testy. But this is important stuff! Your vote DOES matter. Don't vote for who you think will win - vote with your conscience, your heart and for the person who can truly offer this country a way back to being a great and wonderful nation instead of a corporate bully . A president who isn't corrupt... wow, what a concept.

Thursday, January 03, 2008


Happy New Year!

I've been avoiding my beloved computer for the past few days. Not because it's acting up, good computer, sit. Stay. But because quitting smoking is a LOT harder for me when I'm on the computer or the telephone. These are were my biggest times to smoke. Like a chimney. Chaining the whole time. Very unconsciously I could go through a whole pack just in a phone call. Sheesh.

I've been plugging away at not smoking with mostly success. Many nights I have had one - or a half a cigarette. This is not perfection, but it is incredible progress and I'll take it. Unfortunately those times I've given in and had one were times I was on the phone - or the computer - or both at once. So I'm laying low on both to give myself time to let go of that connection.

What that all means is: haven't posted much here. Though I have composed some fabulous posts in my head before I get out of bed in the morning. Sadly they never actually make it past my own brain. Ah well. If they were really so compelling, I'm sure the urge to commit them to paper would have been stronger.

I did make one New Year's Resolution. I'm not fond of them because of the beatings we give ourselves when we ultimately don't keep them. It's a lot of pressure to give things up or change your life just because of the date. It's different if you've prepped beforehand, but most New Year's Resolutions are amorphous: I want to lose weight, want to exercise more, write a novel, climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, you know, the usual. But with no planning these goals just sort of get away from us; usually with the resounding refrain of "I'll do it tomorrow" and then suddenly the year has passed and we do it all again. So I don't usually make 'em. But this year I did. It's a simple one (hopefully!). I just want to be able to run a half mile straight without having to stop to walk.

I know that sounds like such a nothing, but I have this cranky knee that has really put the kibosh on my running. Which sucks hard, because, naturally, all I WANT to do is run. Typical. I have found that my current 'knee limit' is 5.4 mph for 2 minutes. If I go faster than that, or longer than that, I end up with a swollen knee that takes days or even weeks to go away and hurts like a moth.... well, you can guess what it hurts like. I can do those two minutes several times in the course of a running session with no problem - as long as I walk in between. Bah. So I'm working towards increasing that two minutes - just by 15 seconds every week until I can do a the whole 1/2 mile without having to stop AND without the damned swelling and pain.

After that I'm planning on writing my next novel and climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. Just so you know.