That's what you should call anyone who quits smoking cold turkey and lives to tell the tale. Woo-wee. I'm tellin' ya. TOUGH.
It's funny how it didn't seem this hard when I quit the last time - I just stopped for a good two years and it was not so bad... at least not that I recall. I may be blocking. I may well have been running around smacking small children and clobbering people just for breathing near me. La-la-la... I don't recall.
This time has been more of a slow process. More of a gradual decrease in the amount of cigarettes I go through than a full stop. I actually got a nice 8 days totally smoke free and then it hit. The I COULD KILL SOMEONE mood. Ouch. It is likely due to the fact that I'm weaning off the medication that tricks my brain into thinking I've smoked. OR I could just be going through a little hint of PMS. Or SOMEONE IS PISSING ME OFF. Hard to tell. Hmmm.
What it boils down to is yesterday I decided I would buy another pack of cigarettes. *sigh* I went for a walk first and that helped a bit, but not enough and I ended up buying one. I waited two hours after I got home to actually smoke one and EIWWWWW - I got through (literally) one quarter of the thing and put it out and could taste and smell it all over the place and it was completely disgusting. Not the least disgusting to me was the fact that I had been doing it for two decades at least 20 times a day and LOVING it! WHAT???? Bleech.
So I have the pack (minus one) and I'm going to keep it. Because disgusted as I was yesterday, I know that urge will hit me again and I'm ready to subject myself to the grossness of it. I am NOT wrapping them and putting them in the freezer to keep 'em fresh either. Nope. I'm letting those puppies sit out and get stale and even MORE delightful. Masochist much? Clearly.
Here's to all the cold turkey quitters out there: BRAVO!! ME? I'm still plugging away and hoping for the best.
And since I managed this whole post without a smoke, I may actually be back to blogging more regularly. I know. You're thrilled. But please, keep the noise down. Noise makes me so cranky.